omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
