i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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