i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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