dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My feet surprised me
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