ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
