Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
