we have officially lost it.
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
