Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
