Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
