This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Randomize
