He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
