I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
