woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We have so much sex to catch up on
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
