1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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