Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
