drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
