I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
