You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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