What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She told me I should be a condom model.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
