Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
