I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
