so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
