my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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