Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just pynch a tree in the face
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
