I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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