you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
