I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I had to cum in my sink.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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