OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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