I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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