I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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