It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
