Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
