respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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