True but thats because hes a fetus.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
