i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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