I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
