And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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