I will die if light touches me.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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