I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
