At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
