How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
