pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
