I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
