Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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