that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
