its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
