That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
