I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
