Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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