eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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