what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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