You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
