well I can't set my house on fire every night
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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